I've been sick.
Since Rosh hashanah, I've had this coughing thing that has just icked me out. I've run fever. I've had to take more time off work. It's been awful.
I'm terrified since tomorrow is Yom Kippur and I haven't really prayed. I haven't thought of where I've gone wrong. I don't know how I will make it through temple, or in fact if I should go for the whole thing since I don't want to share the wealth that is my sick. What if I can't fast? What if I can't remain standing through Ne'elah?
I approach these days of awe with awe and anxiety. But I have to believe that the door to t'shuvah will be open even after Yom Kippur, and that my fate and my family's fate while sealed--will be put in pencil until I can truly get there in my heart...without coughing my lungs out.
If there is anyone who I have hurt in any way, please send me a private email and let me know. I will try to make amends.
Current Mood:
anxious